10 May 2017

Here's why I think '13 reasons why' should not be celebrated

It's a teen drama, to be honest. But with heavier issue; teenage suicide. Teenage suicide is a thing. Any show that tried to talk about this issue deserved a credit, and that includes '13 reasons why'. And I'm gonna give it to 13 reasons why. 

I just don't think it's groundbreaking. I don't think this is how we should tackle the issue of  teenage suicide. Let me give one major premise. Suicide won't solve your problem. It just meant you won't be facing the problem and the anger, hurt and chaos that comes with it. But the problem is still there. And you're not. That's it. 

The 'other people' ( i.e. the reasons you decided to end your life) would still keep living. The jerks are still there. They're not gonna have empathy or understand how much hurt they've caused you that you finally decided to end your life. Because they're jerks. And that's how jerks behave.

Hannah left a series of tapes explaining why she ended her life. Every tape dedicated to one person, which means every tape is dedicated to one particular reason she ended her life. But not one tape is dedicated to her own self. Which is weird, because the only person who made the decision to end her life is none other than her, Hannah Baker. How can she not be at fault? That's one of big mistakes this show had done. Hannah blames everything but herself. When the Counsellor didn't reach for her after she stormed out of his office, it's a sign that she should end her life. I couldn't get the logic behind this. Are millennials that self-entitled? 

I know we should reach for people who have tendencies to commit suicide. That's the right thing to do. And I applaud this show (via their character Clay Jensen) for sending this message. This is one right thing this show had done. Reach out to people who you feel are in trouble. Let the human in you live.  

But, let me be clear, if you decided to take your own life, take responsibility. You felt that you couldn't take it anymore and that's why you ended your life. Any other person is not responsible for the decision you make, only you are. Letters, suicide notes or even 13 tapes containing all the reasons you took this decision, are meant for comfort to the loved ones you left behind. Nothing more, nothing less. You won't achieve anything by romanticizing suicide because in the end of the day, you are simply running away from all the problems, but the decision is exclusively yours.

4 May 2017

This bright girl is a mum!

Her and her 'refreshing' limau ice.

 Afiq and Arsyad are your happiness now and I wish you nothing but happiness, Moon. I really do.

28 Apr 2017


A person who won't reflect on himself is a failure. This is such a strong statement but I believed in this notion. Self reflection is for learning purposes and if you don't learn, you won't improve as a person. It gives your mind a pause amidst the chaos in your life and gives yourself a chance to ponder upon what different approach you could have taken given another opportunity to repeat situation.

I haven't done this for quite some time. To be honest, I am too tired for that. Too old to care. 

I want to do something meaningful, and yet too lazy to put effort into that. That is depressing. 

I don't even remember why I am writing this. You have a problem, girl. Go freshen up.

9 Apr 2017


If I were to have superpower, I want to personally punished those referees who made bad decisions during a game. Be it incompetency, bribery or whatever reason you could think of. This is in solidarity with T-Team who was denied three points in 97th minute. #TteamVSPerak. You incompetent brat. 😡 😡

And of course, world peace. I want a superpower to end wars too. And wanting cats to worship me. yeah, that too.

I don't want to grow up.

How I wish things don't need to get complicated. Can't we just be babies? Not kids. Because kids also have their political games. Don't you remember being 8 and had to lobby to become part of them cool kids. Or is it just me. ah well. 

Be nice to others. Be nice without expecting anything in return. That means if you be nice to someone, and they stabbed you in the back, you don't regret being nice to them in the first place. And that's why keikhlasan is so damn priceless.

Be nice to yourself. If you don't, nobody else will. 

And if anything went south, listen to Mr. Penguin from Madagascar;

Smile and wave.  Just smile and wave.

1 Jan 2017

Well hello 2017.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
-The Rembrandts-

#feeling crappy one day, and happy the next.
#Saying "I've got this" and still messed things up afterwards.
#Am still learning being a proper adult. 
#I just realized (and officially acknowledged) I have two different personalities being in two different circle of people. Timid and indecisive, and controlling / straight up annoying.
#Can't believe I'm about to be 27. Freaking 27.

24 Oct 2016


Terengganu to be relegated to Premier League next year.

So that's happening.

"it's just football" . No it's not just football.

BRB. heartbroken. frustrated. hurt. All in one

9 Sep 2016

On conformity.

I'm a type of person who's willing to stay in the rain during a football game and went through a lot to make it to the game, but would walk out if there's too much crowd during raya shopping. Biar lah takde baju raya pun.

I'm also a person who would give in to my friend's choice of place to eat. I don't feel bad about that. I am happy if the group is happy. But sometimes, if I had a crave for tom yam, I must have it. Biarlah makan sorang pun.

Humans are very complex. The humanity itself is complex. Animals are easy, say Steve Irwin. If they don't like you, they eat/harm you. Humans are different, they pretend to be your friends first.

There is a saying; We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. I mean, cara kita makan masa di khalayak mesti berbeza bila kita makan sorang, kan.

So, which face of yours is dominant?
These are scattered thoughts. I don't really know what's the purpose of this post.

On not respecting yourself

Raju: Sir, I have learnt to stand up on my feet after having broken both my legs. This attitude has come with great difficulty. No sir, I can't. You may keep your job, and let me keep my attitude.

30 Aug 2016

On Uqasha.

Dear all muslims in Malaysia, let's ponder,

Some people do solat lima waktu tak pernah miss, pakai tutup aurat sempurna. But, they ignore an injured animal in need of help that they see at pasar, thinking, it's somebody else's problem. Heck, they are even okay with kids playing rough / abuse animals, calling it a phase.

Some people wear mini skirt and always skip solat, but they relentlessly helping elders in their community, despite being short on money and time. They put other people before themselves and see others' pain as their own.

Now, according to Islam, according to our God, who's the good person? Who gets to go to heaven?

I don't know. None of you guys know. And that's why we don't get to act God.

You think a spiritual journey is as simple as pakai tudung = pahala, buka tudung = dosa? Solat = pahala, tak solat = dosa? Nope. It's much more complicated than that. The sincerity, that cannot be measured by us humans, is the true test.

I was familiar with the line of thinking; "Mula-mula memang kena paksa, paksa pakai tudung, paksa solat, lama-lama jadi habit". Habit, which is tabiat, ritual, satu peraturan. While Islam and it's whole principle should come from within. We were taught to submit ourselves to God first, no question asked. If not, neraka. How. Our God is so loving, but how do you manage to make him look like all He does is to punish humans. 

And that's why, when Uqasha removes her tudung, ummah melayu islam gasped. Like she's done something so despicable to Islam. No, Ustaz Kazim did something much more despicable in the name of islam. But you said, tunggulah, kita tak tahu cerita penuh. Tapi time uqasha, kita dah tahu cerita penuh dia. Gitu?

Dan gerombolan Da'i rancangan tv stesen swasta pun datang dengan konsep 'flirt secara halal' tegur Uqasha, tegur Mira Filzah, atas nama Islam. You don't get to fool anybody. Once you kept your silent over our leader's finacial scandal but start the hu-ha about Uqasha, you lost credibility. What Uqasha did, it's between her and God. The latter, itu kemaslahatan ummah. It violates the whole concept of islam. It affects our whole country, our citizens, our integrity, our pride. And you kept your silent. When it involves a hot celebrity, pokemon go dan yuna peluk usher, you claim the champion. But when it comes to something that matter, you, again, kept your silent. Shame.

Konsep amar maaruf nahi mungkar has been associated with moral policing and that's where it's getting out of control. Ajak kepada kebaikan, jauhi kejahatan. It's a beautiful concept but our people took it to holier than thou level. You see someone beri ceramah agama, quote dua tiga ayat quran, itu ahli syurga. You see a punkhead, layan black metal, you shake your head and say 'apa nak jadi anak muda kita ni'. What you didn't realize is maybe that kid comes from a troubled home, on his way to make sense of his life. What you didn't realize is that ustaz is maybe a casanova who abandoned his wife and children, only to marry other 10 women and abandoned them again. You didn't know the whole story.

A journey of becoming a better muslim, a better human, is an individual one. The moment you realized this, you can stop acting on behalf of God. You can stop telling people how much angry they have made God. You can stop acting like God. Do you seriously, really think that He need your protection. Allah the almighty, need you, the insignificant being in whole wide universe to protect him from another insignificant being? Go home you're drunk.